Good evening and Happy Easter my friends,
Easter is indeed a time of the celebration of resurrection, re-birth, renewal and The Good News. We have given birth Soul Purpose in this season of rebirth and renewal and the opportunity and potential is limitless. This is indeed Good News.
This has been a good day, my friend Natalie and her family drove up from New York to spend Easter with our family. It was a wonderful weekend and most importantly I felt comfortable enough to rest in her presence and just be myself. I did very little work this weekend but I feel like I had some tremendous breakthroughs. Let me explain, the truth is that ever since my termination from Warm Spirit and I have been very depressed and wrought with grief and anxiety. I have not been sleeping well, my anxiety level is high especially early in the mornings and the pain of the betrayal and racism and sexism has made it impossible to bear. My friends and family have been supportive and have helped me through the pain of loss. God has blessed me with a new vision and a new calling that has been more beautiful than I could possibly imagine; the birth of Soul Purpose has been beautiful beyond words. I am grateful and in awe of God's ability to forgive us and bless us. What fuels my work in the day time is the awareness of this blessing; I work on Soul Purpose with a commitment that is unwavering. The community's response to Soul Purpose has been another miracle and blessing. Twenty-five hundred women and men in 6 weeks is phenomenal and possibly a record for the industry.
Because this blog is about telling the truth; let me continue to do so. I have been so sad about the events that took place at Warm Spirit, the betrayal, the racism, the sexism, the denial and then the lawsuit; I have been in such shock that I have not cried. I have been sad but absolutely very few tears but no crying per say. I felt a shift when I was on the plane on my way to Toronto to see my parents. I sat in my seat and wept. I was so tired and so stressed, that the tears literally flew out of my eyes. I buried my hands in my eyes and wept. I wept again when I was leaving my parents home and I was sitting alone with my dad and he wept as I said good bye. I could not hold back the tears or the emotions. I thought uh-oh here we go, the door has been opened...
My healing had gone to another level.
Yesterday I was listening to the recordings that I did for soul purpose and when I heard my voice speaking with such sweet passion about the Soul Purpose project and brand, I could not hold back the tears. I thought uh-oh!!!!!!
Last night Natalie and I watched "Why Did I Get Married"; and there was the part lifted my story about getting kicked off the plane and the abuse of overweight women and then the joy of empowerment, I wept again. Oh No!!!!!!
Today I emailed my spiritual coach who is so wonderful and insightful and her response to my depression and anxiety made me teary, then I watched Akeelah and the Bee and could not stop crying through the entire movie and I knew it was game over. Then near the end of the movie Lawrence Fishburne who plays her coach in the movie recites the famous Marianne Williamson poem and the tears started seeping out. That poem although I have heard it and read the words so many times; today it hit me in a way and in a place that it has never reached before. When I saw this beautiful young black girl walking towards the stage for the championship spelling bee, proud, confident and full of potential. I thought of the hundreds of women and men whose lives had been touched by my vision at Warm Spirit and the blessing that God has given me to continue my work with Soul Purpose.
The tears me for represents a new place in my healing, I have turned a corner. The devastation is not so great that it will destroy me any longer, I can breathe, I can exhale. I will be okay and to submit to the tears no longer means submitting to the devastation that I felt. I will not be destroyed but I feel strengthened and truth be told there was no way to short circuit this process. I am grateful to my parents, my husband, my family, Natalie, Cheryl, Stacey, Candi, Angelia, Terri, April, LaChrisa, Josi, Lisa and the countless others who held me up in getting to this point. I feel blessed to be able to cry and to know that I will not be annihilated by my experience and my emotions. I have turned another corner towards victory and I am sooooo grateful.
Here is the poem by Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”