Thursday, March 11, 2010

A Message from Lou Tice - "Need for Approval"

We all like to feel approval from others. However, when our desire for approval becomes too strong, we are in trouble.

Everyone likes to feel accepted and approved of. But for some of us, especially folks who didn't get much as children, the desire for approval becomes a need, even an addiction. When that happens, we are in big trouble. To meet our own desperate need, we behave in ways that may have nothing at all to do with how we really think and feel. We are almost never happy, because we are trying to use those around us to get something that can only be obtained from within.

You see, whenever we need something, it implies to our mind that we do not already have it. We go around in a state of "not OK-ness," feeling inadequate, stressed out and tense, blaming ourselves for what we think we are missing. Then, when approval does come to us, we are likely to deny or deflect it.

Now here is the paradox: when we give up wanting approval, we almost automatically experience more of it. We become more relaxed, centered, and confident. We begin to internalize the support we need, and naturally it shows in our body language and behavior. People notice the difference and respond accordingly.

So if you are an approval addict, kick the habit and watch the positive way your life will change!

Lou Tice
The Pacific Institute

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